Good things come to those who wait

One of the best things about living on the fringes of my school's neighborhood has been bumping into students outside of the building. I, for one, was one of the few children who did not believe Rebecca's story in first grade about "What Teacher's Do When We're Not Around" (aka the teachers go crazy partying at school and sleep there) because I was the child of a teacher. Granted, sometimes it feels as though I live at school. Also, I am guilty of fooling some gullible kiddos at Saturday tutoring that I do in fact sleep at school.

In the last 3 weeks,  I've bumped into 3 different students from my first class. All of them go to the kick-ass charter school that opened last year in the neighborhood. I've kept tabs on some of them through fellow TFA people, but there's something different about actually seeing them in person.

The first one was at the local Redbox. In all honesty, I recognized his little brother before I recognized him. The awkward, shy kid with the goody smile who showed up 6 weeks into the school year with enough English to get him reading kindergarten level texts? Almost missed him as this teenager stood before me, talking fluently about how he liked school and how he was doing well. 

Today, I bumped into one of my fiesty girls from that first class -- she was the first one to get into a fight in the school year (not under my supervision) and was heavily involved in girl drama. You think girl drama emerges in middle school? False. Ask me sometime about her one day relationship. She loved to write, but has serious phonological gaps. She enjoyed math alot because numbers put together made sense, but letters didn't always. 

As we walked through the grocery aisles, I asked her about how life and school was going. I asked her first about math -- she's had the same teacher for two years and every student I've had go one there has loved him and subsequently math in a way that warms my heart. In the same breath that she reaffirmed her love for math, she said "but I just got 100 percent in writing, so I'm starting to really like that too."

This time of year, this final push, is always hard. There's report cards to finalize, testing, testing, testing, projects to finish, and lots of loose ties to finish up. In essence, you feel like your routine is out of whack and that you don't spend as much time actually teaching. You are so focused on the short term, it makes you forget the long term.

I've walked away from each of these interactions feeling inspired. I may not have been the best teacher that these kids ever had. Most of them walked away only a little less angry, and while showing some solid growth (or even impressive), still behind most of their peers. But I do remember conversations with these kids and their parents/guardians about their options for middle school and what it would mean to go to a charter school, especially one that was just opening. When I talk to these former students, I know that they are on the path to college. I see that somewhere along the way, they've let go of some of the anger that they clung to like a comfortable sweatshirt -- you hold onto it for way to long and for no reason other than it's comfortable and familiar. 

When I think of what it will be like to bump into them down the road, I can't wait to hear about what high school classes they're taking and ultimately what college they plan on attending. Because unlike their classmates who went to their zoned school, whose high school has produced a shockingly low number of college ready graduates, I don't worry about them being ready for college. I know that they will be ready, academically and socially, when college comes around. 

And that feeling is what's going to get my tired, sick behind into work tomorrow. 

Attraction and Seduction in First Grade

You'd think that 1st grade math would be easy. It should be, but when you haven't actually mastered kindergarten math, well then it can get tricky. Over the course of the past few weeks of school, my schedule of students in my math class has changed a few times as we figure out resource hours. One thing that is strikingly clear is that my math class is divided into students who have solid working knowledge of numbers and students who just don't seem to "get it" yet.

Working primarily in small groups has really let me get to know my students, their personalities and their abilities. My primary take away has been that they are ridiculously cute -- but that being cute has gotten some of them out of actually doing anything. Instead of attempting to do any work on their own, they just look up and stare at you with those wide eyes and wait for the answer.

Now, I've only played poker once and by some miracle I won so I've never played again, but I do have a pretty good poker face. When kids look to me to give them the answer, they get nothing. It is very confusing initially, but they get used to it. The past week, we've been working on vocabulary related to addition and subtraction. It's amazing how confusing it all is when you can't actually count up past about 7.

I was working with my low group the other day and feeling really out of it. I'm having trouble keeping all of them focused -- some of them have definitely not been taking their doctor ordered Wheaties in the morning. Our objective the other day was to identify addition and subtraction. Simply look at the symbol and say what it was.

I sat with Orlando and Belle* with the review sheet. The rest of the group had sort of caught on but not Orlando and Belle. I pointed to one of the problems.

"Addiction!" Belle cried out. Orlando smiled and nodded at her.

"Addiction?" I asked.

"No, no sedition" Orlando said. Belle looked over at him confused, back at me, and then started to smile.

"Yeah" she said.

"Which one was it Belle?" I questioned her. I like making sure students feel confident to stand behind their answer. One of those teacher tricks I HATED as a student, but find quite useful as a teacher.

"Seduction?" she said.

I looked at the two in front of me and knew I needed to give some more support. "Okay, guys, your choices are addition (repeated back) or subtraction (repeated back). Which one do we see in the problem 2+5?"

Belle just sat there, smiling back at me. Orlando's lips were pursed, as though he were deep in thought. Finally, he started nodding his head and smiling. "Attraction!" he said confidently.

We've got a lot of work to do.

Fall Break -- a godsend for my mental health sake

Fall Break began on Friday for the kids, but with the professional development I've been to, today was really the first day. Sleeping in was glorious and I felt ready to tackle some of the projects I've been meaning to get to. Some of these projects are a result of the professional development I've had in the last week and really had the chance to process some of the things that have been going on. I keep seeing this break as the opportunity to restart and jump start some of the things I haven't done as well as I've wanted to thus far.

I've finally taken some more pictures of my classroom to get ready for making my first donorschoose.org grant. My biggest goal moving forward, aside from the whole closing the achievement gap thing, is to get my kids excited about reading. I've spent the week trying to put together my literacy centers so that I can start guided reading.

My kids read at all different levels. Using Reading A to Z, my kids range from E to Q. What does that really mean? I have some kids that haven't quite reached first grade level and others that are practically on grade level. I love that my class includes the ELL kids on the grade level because they are so enthusiastic for the most part about learning, they just don't have the support at home. Sadly, several of my ELL kids are Nashville born and bred and 10 years later, they really don't have fully functioning knowledge in English and their working knowledge in the own language doesn't seem as though it's fully developed.

I have several stories I haven't had the chance to type up and that's my goal for break. Well, what's left of my working break. I'm giving myself an actual vacation and going back to college for a few days. I cannot wait. Many of my friends stayed around after graduation, I have a good number of friends still in undergrad, and one of my best friends will be in town from Chicago!!!

There are many times so far where I've thought that I had it better than I thought in college and I've had dreams where I'm back in school. I think going back will be odd, but at the same time, it will help me see how far I've come since graduation (aside from the scale that's told me I've lost 20 pounds since graduation)

The Adventures of Ms. Astronaut

One full week of school down, and I can tell you this. Despite all technical difficulties, I am already in love with all 24 little (well, some not so little) bodies that sit in my classroom. We're still working on listening and following directions, especially "Stop Talking". I did feel a bit like one of the videos we watched over the summer about a first day of school where it was chaos.

This week, the fire alarm has gone off several times, there have been workmen drilling into the concrete on either side of my classroom, there have been workmen drilling in my classroom during one of my scheduled class times (read aloud in the hallway for the win), I'm still a few textsbooks short, I haven't called all my parents because I either don't have numbers yet or my phone/internet doesn't work, and since my SmartBoard was installed I have no working board with which to teach since the projector was not installed at the same time.

My first day of school was overwhelming, in part because of one child who arrived late, was added to my list, was new to school, and just downright confusing. I had no idea how to help this child or what to do with him. As it turns out, he was never supposed to be in my class but rather a much smaller class for children with specific needs. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the teachers and administrators who popped in to check on me and my class those first few days until things got settled.

Even now, I can't recall all of the ridiculous things that have happened. I've already confiscated things, but none more frequently than Kool-Aid. The kids bring in packets, lick their fingers, and stick it in the powder. It makes a ridiculous mess and then they get all sticky. The other day a child had an open packet in her uniform pocket and it got wet at the water fountain. I was working with another student when I hear, "uh Ms. Astronaut? I have a problem"I turned and all I saw was this wet red splotch just above her hip and my heart dropped. OMG, how on Earth is this child so bloody???!!? After discovering the cause, I gave my students a talking to about not bringing in Kool-Aid anymore.

I'm still in survival mode, trying to lesson plan while gauging where my kids are at. After one week I can tell you, it's quite a spread. I have all the ELL kids for the grade in my class as well, which is another challenge I wasn't thinking about over the summer. In theory, we're getting more teachers at our school so my class size *might* go down, which would be incredibly nice for getting these kids some more one on one attention. Until then, I'm overplanning until my brain hurts. Hopefully at some point in the next few weeks, I can resume having some kind of life again. We got paid (woot!) yesterday, and I went out to dinner and a movie with friends to celebrate a birthday. It took a little time, but we all finally managed to talk about something other than our kids for a while. It's also nice every now and again to not be Ms. (or Mrs.) Astronaut.

Ignore the mess behind the curtain

It's the day before school starts. As a kid, I was always super excited for the first day of school. Now that I'm a teacher, the feeling is a bit different. Perhaps, to be fair, it won't always feel like an all-encompassing fear and panic. It may just be that being a brand new teacher who's teaching in a building that still has construction workers in it isn't conducive to relaxation and eager anticipation. My room is set up, but a whole bunch of things have been shoved in drawers and cabinets until I can figure out what the heck they are and where things should actually go. (Pictures to come this weekend when I have a spare second to upload them)

The whole situation began to feel more real once I got my class list -- 14 boys, 11 girls. I felt my heart drop to my stomach when I looked at all those names. 25 sounds like a lot because it is, even by district standards. I've been issued most things in groups of 20 because that's the ideal size and up to 24 for some other things because that's supposed to be the max. I won't know how many kids will stick with me for a while, and last year the school had a 60 percent in/out rate. If you don't know what that means, don't worry -- I'm not entirely clear I get it when I stop to think about it. Basically, last year had lots of turnover.

I inherited some papers with background on (some of )the kids. I have at least 3 kids with special needs and 2 students who are ELL. Several students are medicated, and it looks like some others should be. I also got to see the kids reading scores. I got excited when I saw one of the first ones in the pile -- at a 44, the student was scored at a mid 4th grade level. Huzzah! Then I turned a few more sheets into the pile.

I have Sweet Pete in my class.

I had learned about Sweet Pete awhile ago when I first met with some of the teachers who knew the incoming 4th graders. I asked a teacher what the range looked like in the grade. As I can tell from my own scores, a majority of the kids are not on reading level. My own class average based on what info I have from their previous teachers puts them at late 2nd grade (24)

Sweet Pete has a 2. A generous 2. By the scale Nashville uses and after the summer away from books, I wouldn't be surprised if he tested back at a 0 which is where he was for most of last year. To be a 0-4 is to essentially be a non-reader. Which means if I am lucky, Sweet Pete will know his letters and what sound they make. Maybe.

I want to make my own conclusions about him, but I have a feeling he's going to be one of my biggest challenges. He is getting special resources, so I won't be the only one working with him, but I think I'm going to push myself emotionally to unrealistic places trying to get him to succeed and will be very invested. Not that it's a bad thing to do, but I realize that people more skilled than I have already been working with him for years.

And that is the achievement gap. I saw it this summer in Atlanta and now I'm getting glimpses of it here in Nashville. It's an intimidating to take it head on, but I feel like I have the confidence of so many people. My family. My friends. My TFA coworkers. Even my school coworkers who know I've never had my own class before have confidence in me.

My dad likes to wear casual clothes, so when he has to dress up for work, he says he's wearing his positions "costume". I have my teacher costume ready to go. We'll see how long it takes for the costume to feel like the real thing.