No, not me. I'm still here. But the return from Fall Break has been rough for everyone. It was like a respite from work reminded people of how much they give up to work as a teacher and the realization has set in a discouraged feeling. No one has ever quit the Nashville corps, but if you talked with any first year corps member they will probably tell you that they've thought about it, some more seriously than others. Coming back to starting a new graduate class that actually is trying to get us to do a teaching practicum on top of our regular job didn't make that feeling any better. Now, it's only half an hour a week, but the logistics is perhaps what made people most frustrated. I've only quit a few things in my life and let me tell you, it has not been accomplished without serious guilt and second thoughts.
Now, in contrast, I came back from a great back catching up with friends from back in college. While I know that teaching made for a difficult first year out of school, I realized how many of the things I'm feeling and going through are not unique to my job. Many of my friends feel overworked, exhausted, and are not entirely pleased with their jobs. I'd often wondered if I'd been part of the St. Louis corps if I would have been happier because I have so many friends in the city, but I realized I probably would have hung out in the same places and just felt guilty for not seeing my friends as much as I wanted to. One of the girls that I interviewed with about a year ago who was placed in St. Louis has already quit the corps there which was hard to hear.
When I came back, my uncle was in town. Now, now he and I had had dinner during week 1 of my teaching and this was week 10, beginning of the second quarter. We talked about a lot of things, including how teaching was going, and he said that he could tell from how I was talking about things that I sounded more confident. And I realized, I do feel better about teaching. I'm still struggling in a lot of ways, but since the beginning of the year I've figured a lot of things out. Do I still wish some things would change that I have no control over? Yes. Of course. Do I realize that some of the people I thought would be helpful aren't the best channel for advice? Yes. For sure. Is my data showing the kind of results I was hoping it would? No, not exactly.
They say that teachers hit a low in October, but then it begins to go back up. While I know that many of my friends here are struggling (despite being in one of the best ranked regions holla), I'm starting to feel like maybe that turnaround is starting. Did I put in an insane amount of work this week? Yes. I've taken to underestimating how much work I do for our Americorps hours out of habit as if no one would believe me that I put in 16, 17 hour days on a regular basis. But even though I'm exhausted, there's this new kind of energy that's pushing me through some of the work that I'm doing. Who knows how long it's sustainable, but I'm going to ride it however far it takes me.
So about the title to the entry? I'm quitting thinking about quitting. I'm quitting thinking about all the other things I could have been doing. I'm quitting thinking about all the things I wish were different that I have no control over. And finally, it's something I don't feel guilty about quitting.
Showing posts with label Tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tired. Show all posts
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
It Keeps Getting Better...Or Not
This week has been a rollercoaster of everything. For the first time, I felt really solid about some of my plans in Language Arts and the kids seemed to respond well. My kids were happy for the most part and motivated to do well behaviorally because of parties at the end of the week.
I also introduced a new system for students to move back up the behavior chart -- they need to receive three different written compliments from 3 different students. Rather than focusing on tattling now as the issue, we're working on creating a more positive space. It's also made dismissal much faster because the kids need to wait until the very end of the day to learn whether they received enough compliments. Some kids almost always receive the compliments that they need and it's usually the kids that I felt bad about moving their color down (green to blue to yellow to orange to red) that get them. The children that are routinely misbehaving,and not so nice to their peers tend not to get enough compliments although sometimes they can. In a way, the children are really good at reflecting what I'm thinking in my head about whether or not their classmate is putting in effort to change their behavior after an incident.
Wednesday was great because I got to see one of my college roommates for a visit and it was really great to catch up. Yet again, it was a reminder of my life before teaching and made me feel social (especially since I knew the people at the table next to us!) I woke up Thursday morning feeling really good and positive.
It was, however, a nightmare. A lot of it I can't really go into detail about, but I ended up losing my planning period and some instructional time to translate for a meeting at the last minute. While I think the meeting went well, I felt unprepared for it and lost an hour of Language Arts the day before my kids took their unit test. When I returned to class, my kids were not in the mood to actually do anything except beg for rewards. One child was in a particularly foul mood and while escorting him out of the classroom to another room for a time out, he stepped on my foot.
Now, my bad for wearing open toed shoes, but man, it hurt something awful. I've always been worried about injuries to digits since I injured my finger in a basketball game and it never healed properly, leaving me with arthritis. However, the pain was so bad I ended up skipping grad class (aw shucks) to go and get it x-rayed. Luckily not broken, but still following doctors orders for care and treatment. The shoe I had to wear the next day shocked my kids and,while dramatic, was a great reminder to them to be safe.
One of the things I struggle with is getting my kids to think about the results of their actions. I get on them about tipping over their chair because it's not safe and still I'm telling kids everyday to sit down. Way too many of my kids rush through their work and it's not until after the fact, when asked "is this your best work? Is this what you want to show to your mama/grandma/dad/uncle/significant adult in your life" that they acknowledge that they haven't paid attention or put in their all. One teacher that I worked with put it well -- they need to work on their stamina. But how to improve it?
How do you slow down kids that need to catch up?
I also introduced a new system for students to move back up the behavior chart -- they need to receive three different written compliments from 3 different students. Rather than focusing on tattling now as the issue, we're working on creating a more positive space. It's also made dismissal much faster because the kids need to wait until the very end of the day to learn whether they received enough compliments. Some kids almost always receive the compliments that they need and it's usually the kids that I felt bad about moving their color down (green to blue to yellow to orange to red) that get them. The children that are routinely misbehaving,and not so nice to their peers tend not to get enough compliments although sometimes they can. In a way, the children are really good at reflecting what I'm thinking in my head about whether or not their classmate is putting in effort to change their behavior after an incident.
Wednesday was great because I got to see one of my college roommates for a visit and it was really great to catch up. Yet again, it was a reminder of my life before teaching and made me feel social (especially since I knew the people at the table next to us!) I woke up Thursday morning feeling really good and positive.
It was, however, a nightmare. A lot of it I can't really go into detail about, but I ended up losing my planning period and some instructional time to translate for a meeting at the last minute. While I think the meeting went well, I felt unprepared for it and lost an hour of Language Arts the day before my kids took their unit test. When I returned to class, my kids were not in the mood to actually do anything except beg for rewards. One child was in a particularly foul mood and while escorting him out of the classroom to another room for a time out, he stepped on my foot.
Now, my bad for wearing open toed shoes, but man, it hurt something awful. I've always been worried about injuries to digits since I injured my finger in a basketball game and it never healed properly, leaving me with arthritis. However, the pain was so bad I ended up skipping grad class (aw shucks) to go and get it x-rayed. Luckily not broken, but still following doctors orders for care and treatment. The shoe I had to wear the next day shocked my kids and,while dramatic, was a great reminder to them to be safe.
One of the things I struggle with is getting my kids to think about the results of their actions. I get on them about tipping over their chair because it's not safe and still I'm telling kids everyday to sit down. Way too many of my kids rush through their work and it's not until after the fact, when asked "is this your best work? Is this what you want to show to your mama/grandma/dad/uncle/significant adult in your life" that they acknowledge that they haven't paid attention or put in their all. One teacher that I worked with put it well -- they need to work on their stamina. But how to improve it?
How do you slow down kids that need to catch up?
Monday, July 5, 2010
Happy (Belated) Birthday Amurica!
It's been a while since I've actually had a weekend to do exactly what I wanted to do, and I'm afraid that while the original intention was to actual make some phone and skype calls, I wanted to sleep. Or rather, needed to. I spent Friday evening enjoying some time with one of my Nashville roommates here away from school and responsibilities. However, it now appears that wherever there are small children around, I will revert to teacher mode. Being at the aquarium and looking around in wonder made me remember what I love about education, and museum education in particular. The kids were fascinated by everything around them and excited to engage with the presentations. That, is the best part of teaching, not the fighting and the lying and the constant breaking of pencils (it's not an accident. They do it on purpose. To torment me so that the sound of the electric sharpener never leaves my brain).
I spent much of Saturday sleeping, as somewhere in the jostling of my purse at the museum, I accidently activated my alarm clock on my phone. The one that is set to go off at 5:30 in the morning. I was so confused when it went off, especially since my phone was in the living room and I was deep asleep -- although I missed my roommate this weekend while she was back in Nashville, I'm so glad it did not wake her up as well at that hour! Needless, I fought any urge to get up and be productive and, let me tell you, --- it was glorious. I did finally get up to head out to a barbecue that some of the 2009 corps members threw in celebration of the 4th. I've barely had a chance to see some of the other Nashville corps since we started teaching since we're at several different schools and teaching different grades/subjects, so it was yet another reminder this weekend that I was a real person sometimes not just "Ms. A"
I spent much of Saturday sleeping, as somewhere in the jostling of my purse at the museum, I accidently activated my alarm clock on my phone. The one that is set to go off at 5:30 in the morning. I was so confused when it went off, especially since my phone was in the living room and I was deep asleep -- although I missed my roommate this weekend while she was back in Nashville, I'm so glad it did not wake her up as well at that hour! Needless, I fought any urge to get up and be productive and, let me tell you, --- it was glorious. I did finally get up to head out to a barbecue that some of the 2009 corps members threw in celebration of the 4th. I've barely had a chance to see some of the other Nashville corps since we started teaching since we're at several different schools and teaching different grades/subjects, so it was yet another reminder this weekend that I was a real person sometimes not just "Ms. A"
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I didn't mean to be disrepectin you
85 hours of work, 20 hours of sleep during the week and that again this weekend -- that in a small nutshell is what my schedule has been like this first week of teaching.
I'm off to meet with my CMA aka Corps Member Adviser to hear her thoughts on the lesson she observed on Friday. I'd originally been scheduled for an observation on Wednesday, but the fire alarm went off in the middle of my lesson. Oof.
As my brain is only thinking in short bursts and segments, a glimpse of what my week looked like in disconnected experiences
--- My kids were so good at one concept I was teaching that I was coming up with math problems on the fly. Too bad one of the problems I came up with was the one exception to the rule, and then utterly confused them.
--- My darling ELL student has moved. No idea to where, but she came in one day and told us she wasn't going to be back.
--- My slightly-less darling child whose parents decided she did not need to take her medication has stopped coming to school since the school told her mom either send her with meds or don't send her
--- I get hugs almost every day
--- When I leave to go to my training sessions, the kids ask "are you coming back? When are you coming back?" as if I'm going to leave them. Makes me happy that they like me, makes me sad that they are so worried about people leaving them
---Called parents for the first time. One was totally positive, the other an exercise in how to nicely tell a parent that their child can do the work but chooses to disrupt the class.
---I had to give a lot of warnings in the hallway on the way to and from lunch this week. One boy was really upset about his behavior and the number of warnings he got. He called me over during independent work and apologized (hence the title of the post)
---I had one child offer to give his good behavior tickets to another who hadn't gotten enough to get a prize from the Treasure Chest. It was so sweet, and it killed me to say no.
--- I look like I'm 15 according to one student
--- I'm "old" according to another
---I've grown highly concerned about potential smudges on my rear end, which is precariously close to the the marker tray. No matter what color, it looks like poo to 2nd graders.
---My school has been broken into twice this week. They don't seem to be taking much stuff (except for one CM's laptop) but more targeted vandalism against specific administrators. Almost worse that it seems like a calculated attack from someone somehow connected with the community
--- We had yet another birthday in my corps, celebrated with a group trip to see the Braves. Man, am I going to miss baseball games in Nashville.
--- My school back in Nashville has been officially renamed...to a mouthful. It's a much better reflection of the school as it reopens, but I'll be curious to see how it gets "abbreved"
---I lost my power cord to my computer. They tell you laptops are optional at Institute. FALSE.
---I bought a new power cord and cried on the inside to see more money leaving my bank account knowing I won't get paid for another 2 months at least.
---I still have yet to drink a cup of coffee.
---I got severely dehydrated and wasted worktime at school lying down on the "instructional carpet". I think I may start napping in my classroom in the fall. Benefits of being an elementary school teacher.
---I am steps closer to signing my lease in Nashville
--- I am still blown away by the love and support of my family, corps, and friends (shout out to Ms. C and Ms. S!!)
The more time I spend here, the more I find myself exhausted, but inspired for Nashville, my corps, my school, and for what is yet to come.
p.s. This week, I will reattempt blocks. Wish me luck!!
I'm off to meet with my CMA aka Corps Member Adviser to hear her thoughts on the lesson she observed on Friday. I'd originally been scheduled for an observation on Wednesday, but the fire alarm went off in the middle of my lesson. Oof.
As my brain is only thinking in short bursts and segments, a glimpse of what my week looked like in disconnected experiences
--- My kids were so good at one concept I was teaching that I was coming up with math problems on the fly. Too bad one of the problems I came up with was the one exception to the rule, and then utterly confused them.
--- My darling ELL student has moved. No idea to where, but she came in one day and told us she wasn't going to be back.
--- My slightly-less darling child whose parents decided she did not need to take her medication has stopped coming to school since the school told her mom either send her with meds or don't send her
--- I get hugs almost every day
--- When I leave to go to my training sessions, the kids ask "are you coming back? When are you coming back?" as if I'm going to leave them. Makes me happy that they like me, makes me sad that they are so worried about people leaving them
---Called parents for the first time. One was totally positive, the other an exercise in how to nicely tell a parent that their child can do the work but chooses to disrupt the class.
---I had to give a lot of warnings in the hallway on the way to and from lunch this week. One boy was really upset about his behavior and the number of warnings he got. He called me over during independent work and apologized (hence the title of the post)
---I had one child offer to give his good behavior tickets to another who hadn't gotten enough to get a prize from the Treasure Chest. It was so sweet, and it killed me to say no.
--- I look like I'm 15 according to one student
--- I'm "old" according to another
---I've grown highly concerned about potential smudges on my rear end, which is precariously close to the the marker tray. No matter what color, it looks like poo to 2nd graders.
---My school has been broken into twice this week. They don't seem to be taking much stuff (except for one CM's laptop) but more targeted vandalism against specific administrators. Almost worse that it seems like a calculated attack from someone somehow connected with the community
--- We had yet another birthday in my corps, celebrated with a group trip to see the Braves. Man, am I going to miss baseball games in Nashville.
--- My school back in Nashville has been officially renamed...to a mouthful. It's a much better reflection of the school as it reopens, but I'll be curious to see how it gets "abbreved"
---I lost my power cord to my computer. They tell you laptops are optional at Institute. FALSE.
---I bought a new power cord and cried on the inside to see more money leaving my bank account knowing I won't get paid for another 2 months at least.
---I still have yet to drink a cup of coffee.
---I got severely dehydrated and wasted worktime at school lying down on the "instructional carpet". I think I may start napping in my classroom in the fall. Benefits of being an elementary school teacher.
---I am steps closer to signing my lease in Nashville
--- I am still blown away by the love and support of my family, corps, and friends (shout out to Ms. C and Ms. S!!)
The more time I spend here, the more I find myself exhausted, but inspired for Nashville, my corps, my school, and for what is yet to come.
p.s. This week, I will reattempt blocks. Wish me luck!!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Soggy Dixie Cup
So the blog title is kind of a lie at the moment -- I'm actually in Atlanta, just about to head to bed after the second day of Institute. For all my non-TFA friends, the best way to describe it has been a teacher-boot camp. I've woken up each morning to see the moon still in the sky, catch myself falling asleep at 10:30 in the morning, and have caught myself creating a mental countdown until I succumb and start drinking coffee to stay awake.
My CMA (again, for non-TFAers, one of the many, many, people helping me along this training) has compared being at Institute to standing under a waterfall with a dixie cup. The water keeps flowing, your cup is overflowing, and all you can do is drink quickly and keep on refilling the cup. I'm not a big fan of extended metaphors despite my own use of them from time to time, but it's starting to seem like apt assessment of this process.
I'll be teaching 2nd grade math this summer (still waiting on school in Nashville's grade level). Well, correction -- I'll be teaching students who need to pass second grade math to be promoted to third grade. We've been doing assessments in math and reading and their actual comprehension spans the gamut. Which will make it a realistic challenge to lesson plan, which I should get back to!
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